This is my symphony

Today is day 10 of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.  The challenge began with A on April 1 and continues the alphabet throughout the
month, except on Sundays. My theme for the month will be this blog’s tagline: life, books, and all things bookish, so you can expect a little bit of this ‘n that. I’m still reading, though, and I’ll add reviews whenever possible. Thirty days of blogging is a huge commitment for me, but I’m looking forward to meeting and greeting new blog friends.

Today’s word: Joy

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Someone recently asked me if I was happy–the implication being, of course, that I was not. I was a bit bemused by the question because I’ve worked incredibly hard over the past few years to answer that very question: What brings me joy? What makes me happy? The basic mid-life better-get-my-sh*t-together stuff. And I think what most people mean when they ask that question has to do with situational happiness: Am I happy with this or that relationship? Does my job or lifestyle make me happy?

But I think a person can have a deep, satisfying sense of joy–and still not like certain aspects of this or that relationship, job, or lifestyle. In fact, I should be dissatisfied with some facets of my life … or I’d never be nudged to change and grow. Discontent is a powerful motivator.

So here’s why I know I’m happy.

I’m happy because I’m free–really and truly free to make any choice I’d like. I’m happy because I know my heart–I know what I believe, what I value, what I long for. I’m happy because I understand (okay, I’m coming to understand) my flaws and imperfections–I’m learning what to accept and what to transform. I’m happy because I have a deep sense of connection with this Great Big World, one that fills me with joy and moves me to tears at times.

So this or that relationship? Yes and no. The job? Not always. Lifestyle? Maybe not so much.

But am I truly happy? You betcha!